I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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