All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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