Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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