my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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