I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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