I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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