Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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