..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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