I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
