Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
