kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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