I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
