I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
