At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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