He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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