I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
COCAINE IS GR8
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
