I am in a vortex of obligation.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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