But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
