...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
