Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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