Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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