I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
