She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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