I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
