No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
