I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
