The beer is more important than you right now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
