a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
