are you still at the devil's house?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
