literally had 100 drinks last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
