Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
