You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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