Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
