just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
