Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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