I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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