Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
