I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
