My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
