when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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