Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
