worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
