in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Randomize
