I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
