if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
