where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
