In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this is an emotional support booty call
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
