then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
