im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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