I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
