You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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